A Series of Unlikely Events
by Alicia Weasley
Summary: Just a bit of nonsense. Actually, its a LOAD of nonsense. This is the product of being on a really big sugar high. Please don't flame me if you're not an R/H person. Hehe. :)
1. Chapter 1: Ron, Hermione, and a Huge, Ug...

1.1.1 Disclaimer: I own nothing but the toucans and Lord Roldeskirt.  
  
A/N: This is soooo sappy! R/H fic that is just a bit weird. Well, here goes!  
  
1.1.2  
  
  
  
"Ron, I..." Hermione gazed into the eyes of Ron Weasley. She had never felt like this before. So warm, so happy, so peaceful.  
  
"Shhhh..." Ron put his finger to Hermione's lips. He held Hermione close. She closed her eyes and started to lean toward him. Ron noticed what she was doing and did the same. Ron was enjoying this. Ever since his first year at Hogwarts this is what he wanted to do. Kissing Hermione...  
  
"WHAT IN CHARLIE CHAPLIN'S BLOODY ELEPHANT SKIN PAJAMAS IS GOING ON HERE??!?!?!?!?!?!" Harry bellowed.  
  
"AAAHH!!" Ron let go of Hermione at once. "Harry! Wh-what are you... s- sneaking up on... wh-wha..." He felt like he wanted to hide under a rock. Or in a hole. Or in another dimension. Not that he was embarrassed about kissing Hermione ... it was just that ... his best friend...and he enjoyed it! He looked at Hermione. She was white with shock. Or was it horror? Embarrassment? Or was she dead? Or fainted? Whatever it was, he was sure that she wasn't happy.  
  
"I just came in here to ask you if you had found the toffees yet, Ron, and I find you snogging HERMIONE!!!" Harry yelled.  
  
"Look, Harry, it's er... not what it looks- HARRY! Are you alright?!?!"  
  
A huge, horrendous... thing had just swooped in through the open window, and started pecking Harry's eye.  
  
"Oh no! Harry!" Hermione struggled to get thing off of him with her bare hands.  
  
"Hermione! Use one of those spells! Hex it! Curse it! Do something!" Ron shouted.  
  
"Oh! Right!" Tears were streaming down her face. She pulled her wand out of her pocket.  
  
"Er.... Petrificus Totallus!"  
  
The thing suddenly went rigid and fell on top of Ron where he was trying to inspect Harry's eye.  
  
"Nife, Herfione." Ron's voice was muffled by the thing's wing.  
  
"Oh! Sorry! Mobiliarus!" The thing shot across the room and hit a bookshelf.  
  
"Thanks. I'll go have a look at the...thing, and you tend to Harry." Ron felt a strange sense of satisfaction. For once, he was telling Hermione what to do.  
  
"Oh! He's unconscious! I'll try and revive him." Hermione took out her wand and raised it above her head.  
  
"No, Hermione, if he's unconscious, then take him to Madam Pomfrey. She will know best for him." Ron said. 'I love this!' he thought.  
  
"Alright. But be careful. That thing won't stay that way forever." She hesitated, and then gave him a peck on the cheek. "Just in case," she gave him a wink.  
  
Ron blushed and smiled. "Right, I'll be fine, Hermy."  
  
He watched Hermione walk out of the room with Harry behind her in invisible ropes.  
  
(a/n: I know, I know. it was awful. But read the rest, please. LoL **sweetest smile**) 


	2. Chapter 2: Toucans, Radiation, and an In...

"Well, it sure is colourful," Ron said to himself as he examined the thing. It resembled a bird. It had a big red beak and multi-coloured feathers. It also had huge green eyes. But it was strangely disfigured. "I've never seen one before." Ron said to himself. "I'm sure Hermione would know what it was, though." He decided he would check his Care of Magical Creatures book when he had the time. Ron jumped when Hermione burst through the door.  
  
"Madam Pomfrey said he would be alright. He's been injured before." Hermione was still crying.  
  
Ron got up from the floor and wiped a tear off her face with his thumb. "Please don't cry, Hermione."  
  
Hermione sniffed. She grinned at him.  
  
"Do you have any idea what this thing is? It looks like a bird, but..."  
  
"It's a toucan! Although I think it's been through radiation. It's horribly deformed." Hermione said.  
  
"Er... a toucan? Radiation?" Ron looked thouroughly confused.  
  
"Oh. I forgot. A toucan is a Muggle bird. It lives in the rainforest." And she added, because of Ron's puzzled look, "That's a really warm forest that has a bunch of colouful creatures in it."  
  
"And radiation?" Ron asked.  
  
"That's sort of a-"  
  
"Look! It's got a letter on its leg!" Ron interrupted. He ripped it off and started to read.  
  
Dear Harry Potter,  
  
We are pleased to inform you that you have been invited to a dinner party. It will be held on February 5. RSVP by January 30. Feel free to bring your friends along. See you then!  
  
Your friend,  
  
Lord Voldemort  
  
P.S. Please attend!  
  
"Gee, this is a little obvious, eh?" Hermione said.  
  
"No, Hermione, he's serious! Voldemort is really nice! I'll bet you anything he'll have muffins!" Ron said.  
  
"Ron! You said... his name! Have you gone mad? Did the toucan do something to you?" Hermione got up and started pacing the room. "I just knew I shouldn't have left you alone with the toucan! Now look what I've done! You saying his name... and, and, saying he's nice! Oh! I've made you go mad! You'll have to be a St. Mungo's, and I'll never see you...and-"  
  
"HERMIONE!! It's ALRIGHT! He put his hands on her shoulders. "Trust me."  
  
"Well..." Hermione hesitated. "I don't know, Ron. I trust you, but this... this is just too weird."  
  
"I understand. But Hermione, I can't go through life with everyone thinking I'm mad! I don't want to go to St. Mungo's! Ask me something I would only know if I was in my right mind. Please."  
  
"Alright, er..." She thought for a while. "What just happened a couple minutes ago?"  
  
Ron blushed. He looked away from Hermione's eyes. "We were kissing..." he said. "And I... liked it." he looked down at his feet.  
  
'Just shut up now, Weasley. Just shut up now.'  
  
Hermione blushed as well. "You-you did? No. Wait. You are mad! No one in their right mind would enjoy that!"  
  
"Hermione! I did!" Gaining some more courage, he looked into her eyes. "I... I... I love you."  
  
'Smooth, Weasley. What are you getting yourself into?'  
  
He mentally shook the annoying vioce out of his head.  
  
"You really do?" Ron nodded.  
  
"Ron... I believe you. It's weird, but somehow, I just do."  
  
"Really? Well... er... thanks."  
  
CA CAAAAAWW!!!!  
  
Ron and Hermione instantly turned around to see the the huge demented toucan had risen on them.  
  
Hermione went pale white. She fell to the ground with a thump.  
  
"Hermione! No!" He screamed.  
  
He had no choice. He took his wand and once again petrified the toucan. It, too, fell to the ground with a thump.  
  
Ron kneeled beside Hermione. Stupid Voldemort. Why couldn't he had just sent an owl? What would he do?  
  
TBC- The suspense is killing you, isn't it? MWAHAHAHAHA!! 


	3. Chapter 3: A Connecting Chapter (LoL)

"Hermione? Hermione please wake up!" Ron said softly in Hermione's ear.  
  
"Wha-what?" Hermione looked up at those two familiar eyes. "Oh, Ron! I had the worst dream! There was this big evil toucan and- oh.... my...." her eyes shifted to the great lump at the corner of the room. She jumped up and clung to Ron's elbow. "Oh no! Ron!"  
  
"It's okay, it's petrified." Ron gave her a little smile. "Can I have my elbow back now?"  
  
Hermione let go. "Oh yes, of course."  
  
Ron took her hands and placed them on his elbow. "No, I think I liked it better like this." He grinned.  
  
'What is *wrong* with you, you great thundering prat? You like* her holding your elbow?'  
  
'Oh, shut up, you stupid ninny. I know what I'm doing.' He retorted.  
  
'Oh you do, do you?'  
  
"Ron? Are you there?" Hermione said.  
  
"What? Oh. Right."  
  
"You're thinking about Harry, aren't you? I am too. I hope he's alright."  
  
"Er... yes. Right. Of course. Me too."  
  
'All this time you haven't even *thought* about Harry. You've just been drooling over Hermione. And you call yourself a best friend. Hmph!'  
  
"Ron?" Hermione tugged on his elbow. "Ron?"  
  
"Oh! Yeah?"  
  
"Do you think Harry will go to this... this... party?" She asked.  
  
"Well, most likely. They're like, you know, good friends now." Ron said, as if he was talking about... the weather.  
  
"But... but... he... he killed Harry's parents!" Hermione shouted.  
  
"No, Harry told me. Lord Roldeskirt killed his parents. Voldemort tried to stop him."  
  
"Oh. I wonder if he'll bring us?"  
  
"Of course he will! We saved his life!"  
  
"Five times!"  
  
"Yep!"  
  
"What do you say we go visit him?"  
  
"Alright!"  
  
Hermione and Ron walked to the hospital wing, hand in hand.  
  
(A/n: awwwwww...) 


	4. Chapter 4: The Party

"Are you ready, Harry?" Ron adjusted the clasp on his robes.  
  
"Oh! Yeah. Just waiting on Hermione." he said.  
  
"You know her. She won't be down for another five hours."  
  
They both laughed. It was nice to be with him now. It seemed liked forever until he was out of the hospital wing.  
  
"Ready, you two?" It was Hermione.  
  
Ron got up from his chair. "Hermione! You... look... great!"  
  
She was wearing a long silky lavender gown. It was almost like it had been charmed to fit. It clung in all the right places, and bloused out in the others. The colour of the dress blended with her brunette hair (which was remarkably sleek and shiny) perfectly.  
  
"Really? The dress used to belong to my mum. She wore it to her prom." Harry and Ron just looked at her. Hermione sighed. "I'll explain it on the way."  
  
~**~*~**~**~**~**~***~~***~**~**~***~*~*~~*~*~*~*  
  
"You made it!" Voldemort greeted them at the door. He had gotten a lot stronger. He had a man's body now, although he was very skinny. "Hello, Harry, Ron- my, you're looking stunning tonight, Hermione!" Hermione smiled nervously. She wasn't exactly accustomed to being complimented by Lord Voldemort.  
  
They sat down at Voldemort's dining room table. This room was very elegant. He even had a polished china cabinet with little glass figurines in it. Wormtail, and some other people were sitting around the table.  
  
"Harry, Ron, Hermione, these are a few of my very good friends. I'm sure we all know Peter..." Wormtail beamed and waved at them. "This is Melinda, Quentin, and Roger. Well, I think everyone's here, so let's get started! You may order anything you wish. Oh yes, except for lobster." Voldemort shouted, "Muffins!" at his plate, and three hot blueberry muffins appeared on his plate. The rest of them ordered their food and ate to their fill. Harry got up from the table.  
  
"Excuse me, Volde, but where is your bathroom?"  
  
"Oh, yes, down the hall and to your left, two doors down. If you get lost, Regis, my house elf, will help you. "  
  
(A/n: Regis!! Hahahahaha!)  
  
"Thank you, I'll be right back." Harry disappeared into the hall.  
  
Ron got up, too.  
  
"Er... Do you mind if I step outside for a minute?" he said.  
  
"No, of course not. The door is right through there."  
  
"Thanks." Ron, too disappeared into the darkness outside.  
  
Hermione was third. She decided to go out after Ron. She didn't want to be left alone with these people, just in case.  
  
"I think I might need some fresh air, too."  
  
She saw Ron sitting on a bench, skipping rocks on the pond behind Voldemort's new house. She sat down beside him 


	5. Chapter 5: Hermione, Ron, and Little Sna...

"Hi," she said.  
  
"Hi," Ron looked at her. She was even more beautiful in the moonlight.  
  
"It's a bit chilly out here, isn't it?" Hermione said. She hoped it would work...  
  
Ron hesitated, and then put his arm around her shoulders. "Er... is this better?"  
  
'Yes!' she thought. 'It worked!' She gave him a little grin. "Yes. It does." She felt a bit tired. She rested her head on Ron's shoulder. 'This *is* nice.' she thought.  
  
"Er... Hermione?" Ron shook his shoulder a bit. "Hermione?"  
  
"Oh! Was I asleep? Oh no! I'm sorry! I was just so tired and-"  
  
"It's okay, Hermione!" Ron looked down. "You look... er... cute when you're asleep."  
  
Hermione laughed.  
  
"You do!" Ron said.  
  
"No! Hahahahaha- something's- hahahaha- tickling me! Hahaha!"  
  
Ron looked down at Hermione feet.  
  
"Oh my God! Hermione! It's a snake! Don't worry! I'll get it!" He pulled out his wand. "Fascius Berniculum!" The little garden snake jumped ten feet above their heads and skipped across the pond.  
  
Hermione laughed. "All of that for a little garden snake? Thanks!"  
  
Ron blushed. "Well... I didn't know... I thought maybe..."  
  
Hermione laughed again. "That was really sweet."  
  
"Really? Thanks."  
  
"You all said a minute! I thought something horrible had happened to you!" Harry had come outside, too.  
  
Ron jumped. "Harry! How long have you been there?"  
  
He came to sit beside them.  
  
Harry laughed. "Long enough to know that you have a real phobia of little snakes, Ron."  
  
"Hey! It wasn't that little!"  
  
Their laughter, rising in pitch, drifted out over the pond, through all the lawns, and to the horizon beyond.  
  
~*~**~***~**~*~**~**~*  
  
THE END!!  
  
(A/n: Wasn't that wonderful? I loved it, personally!) 


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